Michael Jackson Dies – So roll on Michael Jackson Jokes…
Firstly, if you have been in a coma (no pun intended) over the last 12 hours you may not have heard that unfourtunately the legend that is Michael Jackson passed away last night in an LA hospital. Now don’t get my wrong, i think the guy is a legend and changed the face (sorry) of music over the last 20 years! But every cloud has a silver lining, CD and memorabilia sales will go up, and we have been inundated with Michael Jackson jokes.
This may be borderline but, if we don’t laugh, we might cry (honestly). So here goes (some of the best new ones are in the comments section, props to people posting!);
Michael Jackson killed himself last night after he found out boys to men was a band not a delivery service – PW, Facebook
Doctors believe Michael Jacksons heart attack was due to a hereditary problem. They think its the result of a defective billy gene – @Sebwebber
RIP Michael Jackson, he touched to many people, albeit most of them children…
While in a coma doctors were waiting for Michael Jackson to show signs of life and his heart ‘beat it’
I have two Michael Jackson Tickets for sale, January – AT, Facebook
Whats the difference between Alex Ferguson and Michael Jackson? Alex Ferguson will be playing Giggs next year – JC, text
And there there was 4…
Just read his funeral arrangements, he’ll be melted down & made into plastic toys. That way kids will play with him for a change – CY, Facebook
I genuinely feel sorry for Michael Jackson ’s family. The decision to bury, cremate or recycle cannot be an easy choice to make – TJ, Facebook
Only something like this could get Uri Gellar back on television – MH, Facebook
There was news that doctor’s were taking bets on what colour MJ’s cock is. All bets are now of as pediatrician’s have been reported to have inside information – BF, Facebook
I heard they are having to double the seating at Micheal’s funerals because children under 12 have to be accompanied by an adult – BF, Facebook
What do jacko and santa have in common? They both like to empty their sacks for little children – MR, Facebook
After Michael Jacksons sudden death Gary Glitter has offered to cover some of his dates, Henry aged 10, William aged 12 and Joel aged 13 – CLS, Facebook
and these courtesy of @jackojokes;
Condolences to the Jackson family, but could i also remind you that collection day for recyclable plastics is Monday.
Michael Jacksons last wish was to be cremated and his ashes put into an etch-a-sketch so kids could still play with him.
Conformation just came through that Michael Jackson died of food poisoning. Apparently he ate some 12 year old nuts.
Out of respect, McDonalds have released the McJackson burger. 50 year old meat between 10 year old buns.
Reports that Michael Jackson died of a heart attack are incorrect.In fact he went to the childrens hospital and had a stroke.
When ambulance officers arrived at MJ’s home they found class A drugs in the kitchen, and Class 4B in his bedroom.
Madonna has paid her respects to the jackson family and wants to know how much they want for the kids.
All MJ’s upcoming dates are now cancelled, including John aged 5, and Ryan aged 9.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett?……about 3 hours.
- If you have anymore please post them below or say what you like and you don’t like.
Please do not take this post as being disrespectful! We are celebrating his life in a way he loved!!
CS said:
Jun 26, 09 at 13:15after michael jacksons sudden death gary glitter has offered to cover some of his dates, henery aged 10, william aged 12 and joel aged 13
scott frosdick said:
Jun 26, 09 at 13:46Breaking news. Tragic prince of pop michael Jackson has died suddenly. On a lighter note madeline McCann has been found in his wardobe!
Matt Allender said:
Jun 26, 09 at 13:48On arriving at the scene, ambulance crew found a donor card of mj’s. Maybe now he might get to be inside kids…
Me said:
Jun 26, 09 at 13:56What’s the difference between West Ham Football Club and Michael Jackson?……… West Ham are still blowing Bubbles !!
Dale Grundy said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:02michael jackson spoke his dying wish last night on his deathbed. he said he wanted to be melted down and turend into plastic bags so that he can still be dangerous to children.
Joe said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:05There are some class ones there! Keep them coming!!
Amy said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:10just when Maddie McCain thought heaven was safe…
Steve C. said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:13Face book and Mafia wars application rolled out “godfather lotto” last night. As mafia wars players posted their lotto selections they were treated to see “Michael Jackson” memorials on their wall sandwiched between lots of little white (lotto) balls.
Jonny said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:23Did he overdose on Jesus Juice?
SuG said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:27some I recieved today:
Nobody should blame themselves for the death of Michael Jackson when we all know it was the boogie
Initial findings say that he had a heart attack following a fall because he tripped over his child’s pram.
The Coroner said that it was still too early to blame it on the buggie.
Given that Michael Jackson was recently reported to be suffering from skin cancer, the coroner is not sure yet if the real cause of death should be blamed on the sunshine…..or the moonlight, the good times or the boogie, but at this time it is suspected it was the boogie.
Farah Fawcett arrived in heaven and god granted his new Angel one wish.
She wished for all Gods children to be safe…
Michael Jackson had requested a sea burial …strapped to 2 buoys
Michael Jackson hasn’t been this stiff since Macaulay Culkin stayed for the weekend.
Kerry said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:27an auction has already started for Michael Jacksons personal belongings, the bidding was errupting between Gary Glitter and the Catholic Church for Michael JAcksons “little black book”
Kerry said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:28what do N ewcastle United and Michael Jackson Have in common….. it doesnt matter if your black or white both went down in 2009!!!
Kerry said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:29Michael JAckson Died last night in LA, Doctors report says he didnt go stiff untill they wheeled him past the childrens ward!
Kerry said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:30Reports say that Michael Jackson infact died of shock after finding out that Boys2Men were a band not a delivery Service
Kerry said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:31“When daddy is Cremated im going to eat his ashes, he would have wanted to be inside me” signed Prince Jackson
Kerry said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:32There not blaming it on the sunshine….or on the mooonlight…they have yet to rule out the boogie!
Kerry said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:34Michael Jacksons wish was to be melted and used in the XBox 360…. at least this way he can still be turned on and played with by lil boys
Kerry said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:35What a coincidence, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson dying on the same day….one played with Majours the other played with minors!
burnsey said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:36Steve C. said:
Jun 26, 09 at 2:13 pm
Face book and Mafia wars application rolled out “godfather lotto” last night. As mafia wars players posted their lotto selections they were treated to see “Michael Jackson” memorials on their wall sandwiched between lots of little white (lotto) balls.
the gayest fing ive ever herd
burnsey said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:36Steve C. said:
Jun 26, 09 at 2:13 pm
Face book and Mafia wars application rolled out “godfather lotto” last night. As mafia wars players posted their lotto selections they were treated to see “Michael Jackson” memorials on their wall sandwiched between lots of little white (lotto) balls.
the gayest fing ive ever herd
Kerry said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:38some good jokes coming :)
Andrea O'Neill said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:44I have just been sent this one:
As Jacko was fighting for his life in the ambulance, the doctor said ” I think we should start CPR “, the Paramedics said ” No we should start heart massage “, the Driver said ” No we should start an adrenaline drip “! Then Jacko, gasping for breath said ” F*ck me, you wanna be startin something! “
Moose said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:44They say it was skin cancer and not a heart attack. I say “dont blame it on the sunshine”
ed said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:45I guess his heart was jealous and became the ‘King of Stop’
john kelly said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:49Michael Jackson died of a stroke in the childrens ward
P said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:55Apparently when the paramedics found him he had no colour left…
John said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:55The world is shocked at the sudden death of Michael Jackson. Just the other week he was overheard saying he felt like a 10 year old.
Joanne said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:56The US Government are thinking about making a stamp in tribute for MJ. The fans get to decide whether it will be white or black
chris said:
Jun 26, 09 at 14:59Michael Jackson died of a heartattack. They found a bottle of viagra, a tube of KY jelly at his bedside, and a lil boys underwear in his bed.
Joe said:
Jun 26, 09 at 15:10new;
MJ stated in his will that he wants to have his ashes scattered in the local sand pit so he can still get into kids pants.
MJ was all set to cancel his UK tour after he discovered that £2000 for a ten year old only applied to the scrappage scheme.
Following the news of Michael Jacksons death, Childline have announced 5000 redundancies
Jackos ghost has seen sighted at a childrens hospital. Looks like he’s still trying to put the willies up young kids.
Elton John will be singing his hit “”don’t let your son go down on me”at MJs funeral.
So so sad. Michael Jackson touched me in ways only a Catholic priest would understand.
!!
Ash said:
Jun 26, 09 at 15:11Mint jokes
Mark Weber said:
Jun 26, 09 at 15:35Michael Jackson rang the paramedics to report his illness, the paramedic asked how sick are you? he replied…..I’m in bed with jordie chandler and mcauley culkin, How sick is that ?
Mark said:
Jun 26, 09 at 15:37Say what you like about Jackson, at least he drove past schools slowly.
He was One of my favourite paedophiles.
Madonna is quite upset at her offer of looking after Jacko’s kids after finding out she’s three places behind Gary Glitter.
Mark said:
Jun 26, 09 at 15:40Michael Jackson rang the paramedics to report his illness, the paramedic asked how sick are you? he replied…..I’m in bed with Thomas aged 5 & Ryan aged 9, How sick is that ?
Mark said:
Jun 26, 09 at 15:41Apparently they have melted Michael Jackson down and turned him into carrier bags so he is still a danger to kids
tex said:
Jun 26, 09 at 15:42IM sorry bout the michael jackson stuff I feel for his kids, if the tides changed He would just feel the kids! NO No seriously poor kids
OtisDElevator said:
Jun 26, 09 at 15:44Michael Jackson will replace ‘Buster’ as the plastic test dummy in the next series of Mythbusters as he is made of almost indestructible materials.
OtisDElevator – on Reddit.com
Sarah said:
Jun 26, 09 at 15:55I thought CRP was as easy as 123
Joe said:
Jun 26, 09 at 16:21great response…
Michael is the only person I know who was born a black man and died a white woman.
When Michael got to heaven, Elvis saw him and whispered in St. Peter’s ear. St. Peter then told MJ at the pearly gates, “Beat it. Just beat it.”
Apparently Michael Jackson died picking his nose. Doctors said they couldn’t blame it on the sunshine or the moonlight. They blamed it on the boogie.
No embalming needed!
Q: Why did Michael Jackson die at 3:15?
A: “It’s when the big hand touches the little hand”
Q:Why did Michael Jackson go to hell?
A: Because he was bad.
Michael Jackson died so he could go to heaven and molester baby Jesus…
Joe said:
Jun 26, 09 at 16:24LOL – Michael Jackson comes home and his girlfriend is packing her bags.. Michael: “What are you doing??” Girlfriend: “Im leaving you! I just found out what you are! You’re a pedophile!” Michael: “Pfff, you have a big mouth for a 7 year old!”
chelsea said:
Jun 26, 09 at 16:30paramedic 1: HOLY COW his heart is not beating what should we do?
paramedic 2: just beat it beat it beat it beat it
philis said:
Jun 26, 09 at 16:48Freddy Krueger now has competition haunting children’s dreams.
Michael said:
Jun 26, 09 at 16:49Michael Jackson’s death is only a PR stunt. At the funeral he will jump out of the coffin and sing thriller.
Michael said:
Jun 26, 09 at 16:49Paramedics at the scene report that Michael Jackson never got his colour back.
Michael said:
Jun 26, 09 at 16:50he FBI has raided Jackos house and found class A drugs in the kitchen, class B drugs in the living room and class 5c in his bedroom.
Michael said:
Jun 26, 09 at 16:50In the autopsy they found children’s underwear strapped to Michael Jackson’s upper arm. According to his doctors it is just a patch, he’s been trying to quit for a while.
Ezra Olubi said:
Jun 26, 09 at 16:57Dude, can I repost your jokes on my blog?
Joe said:
Jun 26, 09 at 17:00As long as you link back to this page buddy saying this is where you got them from. Go for it.
poo said:
Jun 26, 09 at 17:04He wasn’t going to do all those O2 concerts anyway. He said he wasn’t coming to the UK when he found out the ‘£2000 for a 10 year old’ actually referred to the car scrappage scheme
poo said:
Jun 26, 09 at 17:12Gary Glitter is going to speak at the eulogy about some of Jacko’s greatest achievements, it’s hoped he’ll touch on his music career also.
poo said:
Jun 26, 09 at 17:13Apparently Michael Jackson died after choking on some twelve year old nuts.
poo said:
Jun 26, 09 at 17:16I hear McDonalds is gonna introduce a sandwich in Michael Jackson’s memory called the McJackson, it will have 50 yr. old meat in a 13 yr. old bun…
boozysuzi43 said:
Jun 26, 09 at 17:43Oh my god……..how sick.love it, keep it cummin
Doug said:
Jun 26, 09 at 17:51What does the average 5 year old and Michael Jackson have in common? They both like blowing bubbles.
RW said:
Jun 26, 09 at 17:55mixed reports of michael jacksons death are coming in, 50 kids have volunteered to identify the bodyas they have had first hand experience of seeing michael stiff
Eddy J said:
Jun 26, 09 at 18:41Michael Jackson’s dead???
You’d think there’d be something on the news about it…
dr said:
Jun 26, 09 at 19:31police found new lyrics to a micheal jackson
song in his room its a cover of elton johns
dont let your son go down on me
Bigknob builders Inc. said:
Jun 26, 09 at 19:41Guys,
Watching a documentry which is on Channel 5 (In the UK) it showed MJ saying there is not enough love in the world and that he had no problems with sleeping with other children which were not related to him….
MJ walked round Fulham football club on the pitch and the funniest thing i ever see was the whole stand chanting – Sex case, sex case hang him hang him hang him….
Can someone tell me, why the hell didnt anyone shoot him years ago..
Ginger said:
Jun 26, 09 at 19:50Latest.
Michael Jackson’s UK tour will still go ahead as planned. A spokesman said “So much of Michael was saved by the doctors after his surgical procedures that we are confident of being able to put something together.”
Tuna said:
Jun 26, 09 at 20:16What’s the difference between a grocery bag and Michael Jackson?
Ones made of plastic and dangerous for your kids to play with and the other is used to caryy your shopping items home in.
Tuna said:
Jun 26, 09 at 20:16What did Michael Jackson like about 28 year olds?
There were 20 of them.
brixboy said:
Jun 26, 09 at 20:40On asking his children their thoughts on their fathers passing away , the children all said that it,s the best nights sleep they have had for years.
nick said:
Jun 26, 09 at 22:16MJ’s not worried about being black or white, ’cause he’s blue now !
Eric said:
Jun 26, 09 at 22:25Why did Michael Jackson convert to Islam on deathbed?
He heard that he would be greeted in heaven by seventy two year old virgins.
Bob said:
Jun 26, 09 at 23:39MJ’s heart found out it was black..so it quit working
haque said:
Jun 27, 09 at 07:26the man just died… say something nice…
папарацци said:
Jun 27, 09 at 11:37Michael Jackson is an AMAZING Person , he has a caring heart and will ALWAYS be the best Entertainer. Such a genius and will never be replaced. My Daughter and I attended his 45th B’Day Party and he was so sweet to talk to, he spoke to me about Glasgow, Scvotland, Edinburgh and he really liked it there on his visits.
People that think he is weird or wacko, I think that is sad. Don”t Judge a book by its cover. There are many werd people out in the world. He was loved for being the Greatest Performer and for being such a caring person.
He was done wrong in his short life.
His Childhood was taken away from him and My heart goes out to Michael Jackson.
R.I.P Michael
hagas said:
Jun 27, 09 at 20:12I LOVE MICHAEL JACKSON
AND HE DOES NOT HARM CHILDREN
homedetoxgirl said:
Jun 28, 09 at 07:20It is such a great loss that a man with great talent like Michael Jackson dies. RIP King of POP.
Arthur ASCII said:
Jun 28, 09 at 11:12I hear that they’re going to salvage the plastic from Jackson and turn it into bubble-wrap so that he can still be the “king of pop”.
myarthritispain58 said:
Jun 28, 09 at 18:28Michael Jackson is my favorite pop artist ever since i was a child. He is truly the King of Pop and i am saddened by this news.
ShoutZone said:
Jun 29, 09 at 08:48The police investigation revealed that the previous day Michael returned home to find Bubbles had moved back in and tearfully admitted giving him a way was a terrible mistake… A heartbreaking reunion!
Ryan said:
Jul 01, 09 at 21:55when he got to heaven he saw elvis presly and he sed to presley oh i married your daughter, presley says “oh thank the lord i thought shed married a black man”
paul said:
Jul 02, 09 at 07:44What was mjs last hit….
THE FLOOR
Billie said:
Jul 02, 09 at 08:51What’s the difference between a plastic bag and Michael Jackson?
One is white, made out of plastic and is dangerous to kids, the other can be used to carry groceries in.
When Farrah Fawcett died and went to heaven, God decided to grant her one wish, and asked her what it was.
To this she replied, “I want you to keep all of the world’s children safe.”
Then God killed Michael Jackson.
Michael Jackson’s death is under speculation for being a suicide – because apparently, a week earlier, doctors told him the only way he could get any whiter was in death.
Probably posted already, but pffft, whatever.
True, Michael Jackson really was a great talent and the King of Pop, but that doesn’t change the fact everyone was probably cracking jokes about him the day he died, anyway.
jamesss said:
Jul 03, 09 at 07:01michael jackson has died.
early reports say he has died of skin cancer, but his family has said”dont blame it on the sunshine. blame it on the boogie”
Jenny said:
Jul 04, 09 at 03:17Michael Jackson’s girlfriend was really upset when he died. First her parents leave her in Portugal and now this…
Iroreinia said:
Jul 05, 09 at 07:35Hmm. Is it true? :-)
chris said:
Jul 06, 09 at 17:16When Michael Jackson got to heaven he saw Elvis Presley and he said to Presley, “I married your daughter.” Presley says, “Oh, thank the Lord, I thought she married a black man.”
chris said:
Jul 06, 09 at 17:20How arr Ryan and Michael Jackson different? One goes to elementary schools to get kids, and one goes to elementary schools to take grammar lessons.
chris said:
Jul 06, 09 at 17:20are*
paul said:
Jul 08, 09 at 21:12So I was watching TV last night, channel hopping as you do.
Flipped over and thought “Great. Cool Runnings is on”.
Imagine my disappointment when I realised it was the Jackson family wheeling him onto the stage.
denis said:
Jul 12, 09 at 00:10elvis bumped into MJ in heven, he asked him”was it you married my daughter?”. yes says michael. elvis replies, “thank god, someone told me she married a ni***r
John said:
Jul 13, 09 at 17:54Even when Jackson was still around it was damned hard to tell the difference between Death and Natural Movement.
studenta said:
Jul 15, 09 at 11:43mj isnt dead hes hiding with maddie mccann
Amber said:
Jul 16, 09 at 12:06How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
From a catalogue.
What’s white and in Michael Jackson’s pocket?
His other hand.
What’s the difference between Richard Pryor and Michael Jackson?
Richard Pryor got burnt on coke. Michael Jackson got burnt on Pepsi.
What’s the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?
Michael Jackson has had more noses.
Where is Michael Jackson’s other glove?
In Brooke Shields’ pants.
Have you heard about the foundation that Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor have started?
It’s called the Ignited Negro College Fund.
How do you neuter Micheal Jackson?
Give him spiked gloves and tell him to sing a song.
What does Michael Jackson reminisce about?
Blowing his first nose.
Who is the greatest man ever?
Michael Jackson, because he was born a poor black boy in Gary, Indiana and grew up to become a rich white woman in Europe.
Little known fact: While in San Diego in July 1989, Dan Quayle called Michael Jackson and congratulated him on the 20th anniversary of his moonwalk.
Amber said:
Jul 16, 09 at 12:08LISA-MARIE JOKES
Did you hear about Michael Jackson marrying Lisa-Marie Presley?
If Elvis were dead, he’d turn over in his grave.
What did Lisa-Marie Presley say to Micheal Jackson when he proposed? “Yes, I’ll marry you. But promise me one thing — no kids!”
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley?
About two dress sizes.
Comments overheard at the Michael Jackson/Lisa-Marie Presley wedding:
“Well, I’m pretty sure one of them is a virgin.”
“I don’t think that’s the real groom; it’s just a decoy.”
What was Michael Jackson thinking on his wedding night?
“Now Lisa-Marie can give me a little boy of my own.”
What were Lisa-Marie’s newlywed complaints about Michael Jackson?
He leaves the lid off the mascara, causing it to dry out.
That battleaxe Liz Taylor never calls before she comes over.
She suspects he’s using her to get to Elvis’ bones.
He touches her kids more than he touches her.
Apparently we’re going to be hearing the pitter-patter of little feet in the Jackson household . . . yep, Lisa Marie’s going to be leaving town for a while.
If Michael and Lisa-Marie’s marriage was a TV show, what would it be called?
Home Unimprovement
Beauty and the Beast
Gimme A Break
That’s Incredible
Really Big, Gigantic, Humungous House on the Prairie
Lisa-Marie’s marriage to Michael Jackson is the worst news for the King since the invention of the child-proof cap.
What did Elvis say after seeing Michael and Lisa Marie on television?
“Boy, that’s a relief. I though she married a black guy!”
Hey, I want to see some jokes about Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley.
They are the joke.
i’m kinda glad now me(13) and my sister(2) are a bit safer
Joe said:
Jul 16, 09 at 13:00LOL Amber class, thanks for taking the time to post!
Dennis J. said:
Jul 20, 09 at 10:18Thank you for a great blog, I will be sure to bookmark your site and check later… Usually I don’t leave a comment but I wanted to let you know that I really like your site
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